90 Minutes in Heaven and Combos

Last night I was driving back from Asheville where I had an interview. I had recently eaten with my cousins and aunt and uncle there but wanted some comfort road food. I was struck with an uncontainable urge to have Combos. Yes, those little pizzas balled up and stuffed inside pretzels. Amazing, to be sure. Anyhow, I stop at a rest stop just over the SC border (IN SC), and to my dismay, the choices at the vending machines range from Tom's brand Pork Rinds to just about every style Honey Bun one can imagine.

I found this highly unfortunate.

Luckily, a few miles later, I stopped off at a gas station to pick up some Combos. Yes, they were overpriced. I think I paid nearly three dollars in the end, which, to say the least, made the eating of those treats all the more enjoyable. When I was in line, I saw a bookshelf next to the register containing Don Piper's "90 Minutes in Heaven," which by the way, I find a touch blasphemous in general, but I had to chuckle to myself, because, really, when you can go in a store, get a bag of combos, a footlong chili dog, a slushee and cigarettes AND come out with "Christian" literature, what can you do besides laugh? Nothing. The end.

But not really, because, in an effort to go against everything I know about organizing a communicative piece of writing, I'm going to backtrack to my interview.

It was with a nonprofit called Riverlink, and as the name implies, they work with, YES, the river. Specifically, river conservation. Anyway, I'm in the interview, and they start talking about the guy who isn't there right now. His title: Riverkeeper. Whoa. Suddenly bass starts pumping in my head, I'm seeing a steroid-pumped thirty year-old in too-tight trousers come pouncing out from behind a curtain carrying an enormous fake gold belt that obviously he cannot ACTUALLY put on. He grabs the mic from the announcer, who he then hammer-punches over the head, and yells in a gutteral growl, "The Riverkeeper's back, baby, and I'm coming for blood."

I can only hope the actual Riverkeeper is not as intimidating as he is in my head.