American Girl.

One of the teachers in the kid's program where I work was discussing fashion with Jamilla (my office mate) & me earlier this week. We were talking about Jamilla's earthy style and bohemian flair. So, I asked the teacher, "What would you call my style?" She paused and thought for a moment and said, "American Girl... very classic.... something something something..." I stopped listening after I heard the words "American Girl," because I immediately thought, "I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO BE AN AMERICAN GIRL DOLL."

Which is totally not what she was talking about when she said "American Girl." I'm sure what she really meant was that I'm a classy American Girl like Jackie O.

Conveniently, I was Jackie O. for Halloween a few years ago. No one understood my costume. Someone thought I was a maid. Someone else thought I was a Stepford Wife. I fail at Jackie O.

Doesn't matter. All I can think about now when I get ready in the morning is "What would an American Girl Doll wear?" I think aloud, "Where is my purple cardigan and pleated floral print skirt?!?"

Seriously. You know you want to be an American Girl Doll, too. Don't lie.

Ode to Toni.

Since Toni is our number one commenter right now, so she gets an entire post dedicated to her delicious self. Enjoy.

Ode to Toni

Toni is BFF. We met in Community College. We had a few English and History classes together... and "Computer Art" with the hottest turtleneck-wearing-teacher ever. It's actually pretty amazing that we are friends considering I generally hate anyone who tries to score higher than me on a test. Except Toni didn't really have to try. She just naturally excelled. Kinda like a horse.


See, I learned a lot sitting next to Toni in "Computer Art"

So, anyway... Toni has a little brother that is similar to my little brother. She is also popular. So popular that boys find ways to be in her dreams. She recently had a dream about Ryan's roomate Joel. She said he tried to date her but she said no.



Too bad, Toni. Because Joel is a winner.

One last thing about Toni. She has good taste. Good musical taste, good style & design taste. She's introduced me to some of my favorite music, or as Robbie might say "simply adequate" music. Death Cab, Snow Patrol, Damien Rice, etc. You know what I'm saying. She shares my love for Target and for buying clothes. I think my recent love of the cardigan has erupted from her own reverence of the beloved article of clothing.

I'd like to end this post now with a picture from one of the first times Toni and I really hung out, back in 2006. I convinced her to go with me to Lowes to buy a gigantic screw needed to hang a projector at church. It was a boring trip.




We're like twins.

Simple

Here is something I like: shoes. Maybe that's weird coming from a guy, but you should know that I buy almost all of my shoes exclusively (love that word in this context) from Ross, where I can get such great deals as these, a pair of Simple Toemorrows, retailed at 90 bucks, for a measely 15. How can an environmentally-minded college grad with no full-time job pass this up? Impossible, really. So purchase them I had to. In case you are unaware, all of Simple shoes are organic, biodegradable, and mostly vegan (I mean most of the shoes are vegan, not partially made "veganally." I take great comfort in knowing I am helping the earth, and every time I look at my shoes, I know I've done something good that day.

Also, apparently they look funny. My roomate calls them my Emo Mocassins, so I think it only fitting that this be fused into a word, so here goes: Emocassins. You can't beat having both full words into one giant word.

Click here to visit the Simple website, and watch your world grow brighter: http://www.simpleshoes.com/index.aspx

Wedding Music for Classy Girls Who Like Good Music

Are you a classy girl who wants a string quartet to play at your wedding (even though you secretly listen to Peter Gabriel and The Flaming Lips when no one is around)?

LOOK NO FURTHER, CLASSY GIRL!

Let me introduce the Modern Wedding Collection by the Vitamin String Quartet!



Go here to sample the tracks. Please note that one of my new favorite Death Cab songs is featured.

I swear I wasn't looking for this.... I just, well, happened upon it...

Right.

Things I Like & Things I Do Not Like

First, things I like:

1. ICE CREAM. Brewster's Graham Central Station (pictured above) is my current favorite... most likely because it seems more special because I can't buy it in the grocery store. I also love variatons of Chocolate Ice Cream and the occasional fruity sherbert.

2. Thursday nights. The Office & 30 Rock make me happy. And it means only one more morning to wake up before I have a couple of days off.

3. Water. A month or so ago, I hated water. I've seen people walk around drinking straight out of a gallon of water and often wondered what the big deal was all about... It tastes like paper. Stale paper. Although I guess paper is always stale. But I can handle it cold, now. I now carry around an awesome pink water bottle with a sippy straw. I think the sippy straw helps me like water, maybe even makes it taste better.

4. Kids at small group. Last night one little boy was dressed as a butterfly and was attacking another little boy in an astronaut helmet with a wooden drumstick. It was awesome.

5. Shopping. But only if I can find a good deal. I bought a pair of nice dressy khaki pants at NY & Company for $4.95 this past weekend! I had a good coupon and they were on sale already. That's the kind of shopping I like to do.


Now, some things I do not like (and that are ruining my life this week):




1. Effing acne eating my face. Where did it come from? I've never had an acne problem. I think this might be the worse it's ever been and I know it could be worse. But it won't go away! Since my last haircut three weeks ago, it's been a lot worse... maybe my hair hitting my face? I touch my face a lot too. But I have like a hiking trail of acne that starts on my neck and climbs all the way up to my head. I bought some Clean & Clear acne medication and it makes my skin slimey and doesn't help. Sadness. You can see the three worse death-spots on my chin in the horribly unflattering picture of me above.

2. The distance from my desk to the bathroom. I have to pee ever 10 minutes. Those who know me know this is no exaggeration. Number 3 up at the top of this post is not helping this. either.

3. Acid reflux. You are ruining my life. Truly, you are. Every day. No tomatoes, no fried chicken, no sauces of any kind on anything, NO MAYONNAISE?!? WHAT HAS THE WORLD COME TO, ACID REFLUX?!? I hate you.

4. And, last but not least, money. Money is stupid. Why do we need it? Dumb. Can I just barter my love for food? Or my skillz? I'll trade you a crafty creation for a ham sandwich. Deal? I can make you a craft in exchange for quality meats?


I am done because I have to pee & refill my water bottle. Bye.

Velikonoční Pondělí

Let's say you're a girl living in, I don't know, Hradec Kralove, Czech Republic. You are maybe 11. On the Monday after Easter (which, of course, is a holiday), you awaken to incessant knocking on your front door. Mother and father are somewhere in the back of the house (father smoking sausage, mother making soup), and you hasten to the doorway to find many of your male friends poised with long poles of intertwined vines with rainbow-coloured tissue paper hanging from the tip like an ancient whip (they are actually called pomlavsky). They cry some rhyme that essentially means "give us one of the eggs you have painted for easter or we are going to beat you." The girl at this point has one of two options. If she was prepared for this occasion (which, judging by the fact that this day has been celebrated in such a fashion since the fifteenth century, she would be), she will grab her handy pail of water and douse the boys while they stand dumbfounded. She eventually gives them the egg, just because she feels sorry for them and it is Easter and yada yada Christ rose, and they go away.

And that's what happens on Easter Monday in the Czech Republic. What a sad day not to be in Prague!

Kumar

Hello.

I'm Robbie, Senior News Editor here at Ping Pong Pandas.

President Obama has hired Kumar (from "Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle" or "Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay") as the associate director of the White House Office of Public Liaison.

That is all.

Death Cab & Easter Dubya

Rob, Ryan, Toni, & myself all trekked to Charlotte for the Death Cab for Cutie concert this past Thursday night. If you ever get the chance to see them live, do it. They are amazing. I fell in love with a few new songs and was overwhelmed with joy as they played my absolutely favorite song (not just of theirs, but of any band, any singer, anyone), "Marching Bands of Manhattan"

This is from a few years ago, and not my video... also, not great quality. But, you will be able to hear the pure, amazing voice of Ben Gibbard. Robbie is watching me write this and notes that Ben Gibbard's voice is "simply adequate." Robbie is jealous because he knows I think Ben is HOT. And skinny in person??? It's weird. He looked totally different in person. Anyway, watch the video of my favorite song.




I also just proclaimed to Robbie that I would like to walk down the aisle to this song in our eventual (who-knows-when) wedding one day. Maybe Ben can make a special trip? I'd spend my whole wedding budget on it. Except only like the first verse is appropriate for that occassion. And by first verse, I mean first 4 or 5 lines. Ha. But anyway, I don't care. I will have the cutest and most emo wedding one day. It will be most emo because I will be there and Ryan will most likely be there. And I'm just not sure the world was ever prepared for so much emo.


On another note, this made my day:



Happy Easter.

Atopic Dermatitis otherwise known as "I want to claw my skin off."

My skin is the devil.




Also, Gummy Bears are the devil. Ms. Pat, our beloved secretary, gave me a bag of gummy bunnies because she doesn't eat gelatin (one of their ingredients). I thought this was odd, but knowing she doesn't eat certain foods for certain important reasons, I asked "why?"

She told me gelatin comes from pig or cow skin. And now I am sick every time I even look at a gummy bear. or bunny. or worm. whichever kind you prefer.

From wikipedia, master of fine research:
"Gelatin is a protein produced by partial hydrolysis of collagen extracted from the bones, connective tissues, organs, and some intestines of animals such as domesticated cattle, and horses."


Now I'm going to go scratch my itchy skin and throw up the gummy bunnies I just ate (after searching for them for days, because I made Jamilla hide them from me last week.)

Squatting

Air mattresses are the devil. Maybe not all of them, but my $29.99 Stone Grey Felt-Covered air-mattress is the pits. I've been sleeping on it since January, so I suppose it has gotten me through the darkest of winters, but now I have to literally pump it up every night, and in the middle of the mattress is a big lump. I'm talking the lump is the size of a few small children.

Devastating, really. Last night I had to invert the way I slept so that I could actually fall asleep, against pillows that, while "extra-firm," are somewhat flattened after only 3 months. I feel like a sqautter in my own apartment.

Crump Family Introductions: Little Brother

I would like for you to meet my little brother, Weeyum. Or William, as I like to call him.
He is currently employed at The Pizza Hut. My mother puts the word "The" in front of everything... let's go to "The Wal-Mart," etc. So, it's THE Pizza Hut. THE special one that is blessed with my brother's skillz.
William is so much cooler than me. I remember being jealous of him growing up. He had all of the hip, new trends from Hollister and Abercrombie (he worked at both for brief periods of time) and had party friends. Evidence: the above picture stolen from his myspace entitled "BEER FACE" and the pictures of him with girls in bras and bikinis just chillin' at parties. I'll spare you those pictures.

One time my brother fake ran away from home when he was seven or eight. He took a giant garbage bag and put all of our telephones and a loaf of bread in it and went walking down the street. He didn't get very far before my mom pulled up in her white nissan and made him get in.

Some girls wait for their knight in shining armor to arrive on a white horse. My brother waits for my mom in her white nissan. Same thing.


Also, he likes to date girls with babies.

Shifting Gears

As awful as I feel like the book will be, I've kind of promised to read Pride and Prejudice if for no other reason than to have a good reason to dislike Jane Austen. That's not entirely true. I'm sure it won't be totally terrible. Although reading it comes at an interesting time because I finished McCarthy's Blood Meridian last night; it's probably the most violent and gory book I've read. Ever. Needless to say, this will be a change of gears.

Also, I would really appreciate it if the graduate schools I applied to will stop pissing about and get on with sending me my letters of whatever they have to say to me. Thanks.

And for the record, if you make Kraft Mac and Cheese, it's best not to put real cheese in. It takes away that good powdercheezy taste. Also, if the cheese succesfully melts, it looks like there are spiderwebs in your macaroni. Creepy.

college < tractor

my parents weren't able to contribute to my college tuition.

however, they bought themselves a tractor. mom says it's "handy & useful."

space crump don't need no tractor.

HOW DOES IT KNOW?!?

OMG THIS DAY IS NEVER ENDING.

But, alas! google has provided me with a link at the top of my gmail inbox.

an advertisment/sponsored link..... MAYBE IT WILL SOLVE MY PROBLEMS.

Don't Let It Get To You - www.happier.com - Anger is Bad! Happy is Good. Learn How To Let Go Of Negativity

THANK YOU GMAIL

eff you, gmail.... HOW DO YOU KNOW I AM ANGRY?!?

gmail offers offers 7313.163362 megabytes (and counting) of free storage AND reads your mind. sign up today.

The Inception of the Pandas

Today is Monday.

There is so much work to do.

Monday's are probably the worst day of the year.

Which means there are how many worst days?

*gets out calculator*

Well, you don't really need a calculator.

Around 52 Mondays.

52 worst days of the year.

That's like a seventh of a given year. Wow. That's a lot of negativity.

Also: The Brad Neely George Washington rap is stuck in my head.